A Broken Boundary

I had strict rules on coworkers.. before you. You and I spent over a year talking and flirting telling each other that it didn’t make sense. Or maybe it was me that kept saying it couldn’t make sense. And yet, one night we found ourselves walking late at night after a few drinks. Hand in hand down a sidewalk trying to keep each other warm.

Eventually we would stop at a light post. I might have been the one to open the door for a kiss here, and it wasn’t unintentional, but I foolishly thought that it would just close the book for me and that would be it. I never thought it would cause the pages to flip rapidly to a chapter I had been avoiding.

The sensation was weird, your lips against mine. Not weird in a bad way, just something I hadn’t expected. Soft and light, so much compassion in the way you press them against mine. I’ve not kissed with such intention in a long time, not had a kiss I couldn’t stop thinking about days after since I’d first met my ex fiancé. I didn’t want this until it happened and now I can’t imagine going back to before. I just want it again.

Your hands cupping my face, pushing my hair back and pulling me in closer. Where has this confidence been? There were no nerves, just calm. From both of us a certainty that this needed to happen. WE needed to happen even if this was all it ever was. All I kept seeing was you holding me. My hands up your shirt, pulling on your hoodie was never going to be enough and I knew it. Sitting in your car was never going to be enough and I knew that too.

Now I can’t stop. Wanting you in my bed, wanting you between my thighs, imagining what your body looks like out of those clothes, what it feels like against mine with nothing between. Creating stories about how this doesn’t work, when I could be creating ones about how it will. I’m not ready for that version. You’ve been patient and I put blinders on. I want one thing, but I know it’s going to turn into another. I’m trying to see both sides of this because there’s so much risk, but if I’m unhappy with what you might break in the end, does it really matter if I risk it?